Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Environmentalists To Endangered Species: Good Riddance

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has announced that the rare Arabian Horned Owl is on the verge of extinction due to a loss of natural habitat and hunting. Shortly after the announcement, the Sierra Club held a conference of their own to express their opinion: "Good riddance."

"I mean it," said Stephanie Newhart, spokeswoman of the Sierra Club. "Screw 'em. Who needs those stupid Arabian Horned Owls, anyway? I mean, don't we have enough owls in the world? There's thousands of species out there. What's the big deal about one more? We're all better off without them."

After an exhaustive study, the Sierra Club has concluded that the Arabian Horned Owl is the only animal in the world that has no value to the environment whatsoever. Its extinction, according to the Sierra Club, would actually improve the environment by making room for other animals that are more useful to Mankind like cows and horses.

In addition, the Sierra Club pointed out that the forest where the Arabian Horned Owl makes its nests in Montana is a prime logging area. "By eliminating the Arabian Horned Owl," Newhart continued, "we could harvest those trees. It would boost the local economy by providing jobs and stimulate the lumber industry nationwide. I think the loss of one stupid bird is worth it. After all, which is more important, animals or people?"

Fewer than one hundred Arabian Spotted Owls remain left in the world. Due to their low breeding rate, experts say the owls will become extinct within three years. However, Sierra Club members have vowed to shoot as many of the owls as they can to quicken the process.

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