Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Angelina Jolie Adopts Thailand

Angelina Jolie has announced plans to adopt the entire country of Thailand. Over the years, Jolie has become well-known for adopting children from underprivileged nations like Vietnam and Cambodia. Now she has decided to shorten the process and adopt an entire country.

"Miss Jolie is a very giving person," said one of her publicists, "always trying to find new ways to help the underprivileged people of the world. She has given millions to various charities and adopted many children from Third World countries to give them a better life. This is just a logical extension of her work, a way to unite the two philosophies."

Every citizen of Thailand under the age of eighteen will be given a yearly child support payment that will pay for food, clothing, housing, and medical care. Every citizen of Thailand over the age of eighteen will be given a staff position in Jolie's various business ventures as well as access to a trust fund of one million dollars per person. She has contracted with a marketing company to begin the task of re-naming all citizens of Thailand with new first names and the last name Jolie. She also plans to rename the country of Thailand to Jolieland.

Some are critical of the move, in particular international adoption advocate Blake Jordan. "To adopt individuals from Third World countries or even adopt entire countries does not solve the problems of the world. The issues that cause poverty and famine around the world are deep-rooted in political upheaval, the environment, and lack of education. We can't just throw money at those problems and make them go away. But I admit, it is nice to have one less country to worry about."

Despite protests, the government of Thailand has stated that they have agreed to cooperate with the mass adoption. Jolie has even indicated that this is not the final word on her adoptions. In a recent interview in Vanity Fair, Jolie stated that she has already begun negotiations to adopt the countries of South Africa, Vietnam, India, and France. At the present rate, Miss Jolie will have successfully adopted the entire world within thirty years.

1 comment:

Mauricem said...

LOL. For all our sakes I hope she succeeds. I look forward to living in the United States of Jolie.