Star Magazine has published what it considers the ultimate guide to losing weight like a celebrity. According to the magazine's exclusive interview with a personal trainer to the rich and famous, the real secret of celebrity weight loss is extensive plastic surgery and life-threatening eating disorders.
Ernestine Rembert, editor-in-chief of Star Magazine, is excited about the new revelation. "Our readers have always wanted to know how these gorgeous actresses and supermodels can lose pounds so quickly and easily. They see these actresses who have three or four children and are back to their old figure within a month. They see the supermodels on the runway wearing skin-tight clothing and wonder how they can get so thin. Well, the secret is out and it's so simple!"
The secret of celebrity weight loss has been long-sought by fans and tabloids alike, according to Rembert. "We've interviewed thousands of celebrities like Star Jones and Janet Jackson and have been told over and over again how they lost phenomenal amounts of weight in a short amount of time through diet and exercise. We've published a million of these celebrity diets and exercise programs, and our readers follow them faithfully, but can't seem to copy their success. They've always wondered why. Now we know!"
For the article, Star Magazine interviewed Brian Schenker, a body coach and top personal trainer to celebrities such as Calista Flockhart and Kelly Clarkson. He explained the first step in the weight loss regimen; plastic surgery. "The first tool in every celebrity's weight loss program is plastic surgery. We usually recommend starting with liposuction of the hips, thighs, and buttocks, then moving on to the face and arms if needed. Then follow that up with a tummy tuck and a chin lift, and maybe throw in some breast implants for good measure."
For those who can't afford or don't want to risk plastic surgery, Schenker recommends an eating disorder. "Anorexia is a really good eating disorder, but it takes a lot of commitment. You have to really work at developing that self-loathing and distorted body image that makes anorexia truly effective. Bulemia is our most popular eating disorder. All you need to do is stick your finger down your throat after every meal. It's easy and guaranteed to drop those pounds in no time. When you pass out, you know it's working."