NRA Supports New Handguns For Babies

Originally published by the now-defunct Newshax.com...

Smith & Wesson has created the first handgun designed to be used by babies, and the National Rifle Association has officially endorsed it. Despite widespread protests by parental and gun-control groups, Smith & Wesson plans to begin distributing the baby handguns by the end of the month.

Created by Smith & Wesson, the first baby guns will be a variation of the SIG P226, a powerful double-action handgun in use by the FBI and Britain's Special Air Service units. The new model called the Smith & Wesson Pacifier will be light enough for any baby to hold it. The trigger can be sucked on to fire it, and a bib capable of holding fifteen spare ammo clips will be sold separately.

Charlton Heston, spokesperson for the National Rifle Association, defends Smith & Wesson's decision to create the first weapon for babies. "I know the namby-pamby liberals out there don't like to hear it, but everyone needs to be able to defend themselves. The crib can be a scary place for an unarmed infant. If something starts to go down, I want my grandchildren to be able to defend themselves."

At an NRA rally in Florida, Smith & Wesson held a demonstration of the baby handgun in action using a eleven-month old named Bobbi. During the demonstration, Bobbi accidentally shot three people and had to be stopped from sucking on the muzzle of her gun. The demonstration was cut short when Bobbi had to have her diaper changed.

Dennis Henigan, legal director of the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence, held his own press conference to denounce the baby handguns. "To put weapons into the hands of children is bad enough, but this time the NRA has gone too far. Guns are too dangerous to be handled by babies, and we believe it is also illegal." The Brady Center plans to take Smith & Wesson to court to stop the sale of the guns.

Heston dismissed the Brady Center's comments. "The second amendment of the constitution clearly states that everyone has the right to bear arms, even toddlers. We're prepared to fight for that in court. As for being dangerous, that's just a myth. Guns don't kill babies. Babies kill babies."

At the end of the rally, Charlton Heston held a six-week old boy up over his head as he yelled, "You can pry my baby's gun out of his cold, dead hands!"

According to Smith & Wesson's spokesperson Maria Wildman, the handguns are only the first in a new line of weapons to be used by babies. If the Pacifier handgun is successful, they plan to expand into machine guns and rocket launchers, all capable of being fired by a child no more than a few hours old.