Monday, August 25, 2008

Pigs Fly

The world was thrown into chaos today when pigs all over the Earth sprouted wings and began to fly. Besides the turmoil caused by thousands of pigs unexpectedly sailing through the air, further bedlam followed when events once thought to be impossible suddenly began to occur.

The expression "when pigs fly" is a common idiom in the English language used to humorously express that something will never happen, as in "I'll go out with him when pigs fly." Many people have used the expression for hundreds of years, but it's believed none of them expected it to ever come true.

Yet at approximately six forty-five AM CST, feathered wings suddenly grew on the backs of pigs all over the planet. Within the hour, all the pigs had gained control of their new wings and taken flight. It's believed that hundreds of planes have crashed as a result of colliding with the airborne pigs, and millions of windows on thousands of buildings have been smashed as a result of pigs falling through them. Zoologists are at a loss to explain how the previously land-based animals gained flight, except to suggest that it may be an unexpected side effect of growth hormones or genetic engineering.

Of greater significance is the fact that it seems everything predicted as happening "when pigs fly" actually began to happen. Beautiful women married unattractive men, people gave money to others who were clearly unable or unwilling to pay it back, construction projects that seemed sturdy collapsed, and people successfully gained employment at companies they are completely unqualified for.

Most of the pigs in the U.S. have been captured and will be identified and returned to their original owners. As for the unlikely chaos, the White House held an emergency press conference to warn the American people to remain calm. However, there has been renewed concern from reports by the Vatican that Hell has frozen over.

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