Study: Your Parents Never Loved You

VIRGINIA - A new study on the relationships between parents and their children was released on Tuesday. According to the researchers, the results of the lengthy study prove conclusively that your parents never loved you.

The study, conducted by the Center for Familial Interaction at the National Foundation for Social Research and Development based at the University of Virginia, arrived at several conclusions as to why your parents never loved you. For example, your mother resents you for ruining her figure, and taking up her time, preventing her from pursuing other things in her life. Your father resents you for using up his hard-earned money, taking all your mother’s attention away from him in his relationship, and for interfering with his love life. Both of them resent the amount of time they’ve devoted to you instead of themselves and each other. Research indicates that, despite what they might have told you, you were an accident that your parents didn’t really want.

Dr. Allan Clark, lead sociologist and the director of the Foundation, said, “We know this study may be painful for some people to hear, but unfortunately that can’t be helped. We checked our data a thousand times. There’s no other conclusion we can draw. You can ask your parents, and they may deny it and say they do love you, but they’re lying to you.”

The researchers are currently following up on the data, which may indicate more conclusions, such as that your parents liked your siblings better than you, and that you're adopted.