Rock: Paper Could Never Defeat Me [Editorial]

For centuries, humans have been playing a game affectionately called "rock, paper, scissors." In this game, paper beats rock. The explanation given is that paper would cover rock, leading to victory. This foolishness must end. The time has come for rock to take a stand.

The premise of the game is that paper wraps rock. This could never be. As rocks, we are heavy. We are strong. Most rocks would have enough force to smash through any paper prison. If anything, rock should crush paper with a mighty blow. Henceforth, rock demands that the rules of this game must be changed to reflect this.

Some argue that this leaves the game at a permanent disadvantage. To this, I say that any game which relies on the weakness of rocks is a game that must not be played. Humans must give rock the respect it is due or rocks shall fall upon the heads of all mankind. Thus say we all.

[Photo credit: stock.xchng]