Saturday, February 18, 2006

New Videogame Uses Profanity As Weapons

With the popularity of the profanity in Grand Theft Auto, a new game is under development at Dishwater Software called...well, we can't even tell you the title, because the title itself is a phrase that is illegal to say in most of the industrialized nations. So we just have to refer to it as &$#@! We spoke with Leon Travis, the developer of &$#@!, which he calls a first-person insult shooter game.

"It's a completely new genre," said Travis, "but also one that's been around a long time. After all, what's the best part of playing multiplayer games? It's not the shooting, it's insulting the other players. So we cut out the middle man and stripped the shooter down to its essence."

According to Travis, the game is similar to a regular shooter in that it will revolve around the player having to take out his opponents. But instead of weapons, the player throws insults.

"The player will have a vast arsenal of insults to use against his enemies," Travis continued. "We've imported over five million swear words already, including some from every major language in the world. And a few we made up. We also consulted with the world's finest doctors to come up with the most offensive biological references. Trust me. There isn't a human being alive who wouldn't be offended by this game. Our beta testers needed psychological counseling after playing for only three minutes. It's gonna be great."

A variety of environments will be available in &$#@!, most of which are inspired by curses, so we can't tell you what they are. &$#@! will be built on a proprietary 3D-gaming engine, since Travis claims that existing gaming engines aren't powerful enough to render the insults at the speed they require.

The multiplayer mode will be available over a LAN network or the Internet, and will support both deathmatch and teamplay. In teamplay, insults can be said by a single person or in a chorus with other players to increase the volume and deliver more damage. Teamplay modes will include Capture the %#*! and King of the *%^@.

&$#@! will focus on multiplayer, but will also ship with a single-player mode of artificially-intelligent bots who stand around the level waiting to be insulted. Travis says the bots will be programmed with realistic responses, including crying, punching, and slapping the player with a virtual lawsuit for slander. &$#@! will also feature an option to import images of friends, enemies, and family members onto the faces of the bots.

Leon Travis left us with these thoughts. "I think &$#@! is going to revolutionize the gaming industry. At the very least, it'll make me happy. I'm planning to ship a free copy of &$#@! to my ex-wife."

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