Thursday, November 23, 2006

Car Crash Kills Four, Secret Agent Escapes Unharmed

A late-model red Jaguar raced through a busy intersection this morning in Washington D.C., resulting in a six-car pileup that killed four people. Though identification of the Jaguar's owner was difficult due to rockets shooting out of the license plate, it is believed to belong to secret agent Hank Rockwell, who escaped the crash without injury.

According to early reports, Rockwell led supervillain Doctor Scorpion's men on a high-speed chase through the city. It was during this chase that Rockwell released an oil slick onto the street at the corner of Elm and Main. The black van pursuing him swerved to miss the oil slick, hit a ramp, and tumbled off a bridge to land on a gasoline truck which exploded into flames. The crash killed both the driver of the black van and the three henchmen in the back.

Arthur Jules, a 23-year old college student, witnessed the chase from his Chevy Suburban. "It was wild. I'm just about to pull into Jack-In-The-Box for an Ultimate Cheeseburger when I hear this loud noise and all these gunshots. I look around, and this car is just smoking right at me. I was so scared it was going to hit me, but then a rocket engine comes out of the Jaguar's truck and the car flew right over me. Then the van chasing it plows right over the bridge. I'm not sure, but I think I heard the driver of the van yelling, 'I'll see you in hell, Rockwell!' And I'm pretty sure I could hear Rockwell say, 'I hope you boys aren't falling for me.' That was kinda funny."

Doctor Scorpion refused to comment on the incident.

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